Word Choice: What is This Turquoise Thingy?

I’m almost done with another round of revision. As always, I’m amazed by how much depth and clarity can be added to a story by changing a single word, or tweaking a phrase or comparison.

It’s kind of like this vintage turquoise bucket thingy with holes in it. 

From that description do you know what it is? Or even from looking at it?  Maybe, you do at a basic level but more likely not.

Let me add a bit more description and a comparison.

Here’s a vintage wooden bucket  basket which goes with this metal contraption and rope.

Yeah, I know your getting the idea. But I’m not done yet.

Sometimes describing an object from a different angle will help with clarity. Sometimes, not.

Here is a wooden thingy with a boatload of holes in it. Hmm. Maybe it is something that belongs on a boat?  Maybe it’s a piece of trash.

But find the perfect angle and words to describe it and you have clarity and depth.

 Tilt the basket and the contents are revealed. Clothespins.

This vintage turquoise bucket like thingy with holes is actually a depression era clothespin basket with drain holes--pretty obvious, once the right description, perspective and comparison are found. The metal contraption is a clothesline reel with clothesline. 

I should add as a side note that, last night, the scene I was working on called for a certain lack of clarity, for the sake of pace and mystery. 

How about you? Found any mysterious objects lately or tweaked any details in your story and had it make all the difference?

Bedeviled Sleepwalkers

 I'm back to revising my YA gothic, MOONHILL. One of the first things I needed to do was cut a comparison and replace it with a new one that would put the same spooky image in the reader's mind, but not give away a story element.  

It didn’t take me long to discover that sleepwalking would work just fine. In fact, I was left wondering why I hadn’t thought of it to begin with. Sleepwalking is pretty spooky--whether you’re the walker or the person watching.

As a child, I was a sleepwalker. Normally, I was petrified of walking around at night in the hallways of our huge Georgian house. I didn't even like to have my toes dangling over the edge of the bed when I slept. But when I was sleepwalking, the dark didn’t bother me at all.  I’d wander down the halls and the winding staircase, through one living room to the other, and startle my older sister and their boyfriend (I suspect I broke up more than one romantic session).  Once, when I was in my teens, I sleepwalked out to the front yard and lined up as if a fire drill was happening. Luckily, my friend dragged me back inside.  It was a hot summer night and I wasn’t wearing much.

How about you, have you ever sleepwalked? Have you ever seen anyone do it?

Personally, I find it quite creepy.

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